Saturday, May 11, 2013

Motorcycle Therapy

I met with one of my most favorite people today.  She was my therapist for almost 10 years.  We had a nice brunch together talking about my travels.  I was telling her while traveling I ride all day and then fall asleep as soon as I stop for the day.  Also when I get to a stopping place for a longer stay I am exhausted for at least a week.  I really couldn't figure out why I was so exhausted but as I have thought about it today there are two reasons I crash when I stop.

First riding a motorcycle day after day for 8-10 hours is exhausting and pulling a trailer takes a little bit more out of you.  I love the fact I can feel my muscles and my body strengthening as the weeks go by in my new life.  It is a different feeling since throughout my eating disorder I only felt my body getting weaker and weaker and in the beginning of my recovery the thought of getting stronger really scared me... well it scared me because I thought my body wouldn't be able to handle it.  A friend of mine who is also in recovery always tells me how Yoga has helped her love her body for what her body can do and that is the same with my motorcycle but I have never felt as much as I have these last 6 months.  I love it! this feeling of strengthening.... I'm not only strengthening my body but also my soul.

Probably the most exhausting for me is the 'therapy' I get when I ride.  I had been in therapy for over 12 years but it felt more of a day to day type of thing.  How do I survive what was happening to me now and how I stay a functional part of society.... and how much can you get into in an hour.  Out on my bike I think thru so many things that have held me back, things I have been scared to say or to think about.  I will go thru 8+ hours of motorcycle therapy a day.  Sometimes it is a day of silence.  Sometimes it is a day of feelings... some days are for anger, some days are for grief and some days are full of laughter.  I can think about the same thing for 8 hours and then at the end of the day I feel relief... like whatever it was on my mind today was finally off my shoulders.  I could finally move on to the next thing.  Sometimes a month later the same thoughts will come about and I guess that is to be expected.  They will come back but maybe not as intense or not as long.  Just like recovery.  You circle around but each time you hit a point it is a little different, a little less, or a little more under control.

I would love to keep a journal of these thoughts but by the time I am done riding for the day I am done for the day.  That is why I want the ability to record my rides.  I talk about my thoughts out loud and all would be recorded for me to look back later.  Hopefully I can get that all together before my ride to Alaska.  I am sure with riding in the middle of nowhere I will have a lot of time to process.

Anyways at brunch she talked about this book called Wild.  It is about a woman who hiked the Pacific Crest Trail after some events in her life.  I just got it on my kindle and am excited to read about how life changing and empowering that adventure was for her.  Well... better get to reading. :)

No comments:

Post a Comment