Tuesday, April 1, 2014
I lost my happy place for a good 24 hours or so this week. My dark place is not where I like to be. I can't concentrate, sit still and my skin crawls. I don't sleep and it feels like my world crumbles instantly. I haven't quite figured out how not to go into that dark place but I am improving on getting myself out of that dark place.
Today I could not sit still and my mind was going a million miles a minute while I was trying to get some work done. I was hard on myself and just frustrated. One of the people I work with told me to get back on the road since I have a few hundred miles to go until I am at my next destination. At first I thought I needed to get more done but as I sat there for an hour and nothing was getting done I finally listened to my body and hit the road.
I worked with a lot of kids with sensory issues and I would never think twice about giving them what they needed... From squeezes, swinging, bouncing, whatever but never thought about my own sensory needs. My last winter in Kingston New York was really tough for me and an OT I worked with started recommending sensor input to help with depression. I ride my motorcycle and get a lot of input but that winter poor Blue had to be parked a lot. So I started with a ball to bounce on, weighted vest and other compression type of things... I allowed myself to rock when I needed and run in circles if all else failed. It helped me survive that winter.
So today knowing I needed input to get myself back to my happy place I hit the road. I plant my feet firm on the foot boards to feel the vibration at the souls of my feet... I grab tight to the handle bars to get that vibration through the palms of my hands... I squeeze my thighs tight to the engine so I can feel the vibration throughout my body. Today was so intense I even needed to rock back and forth as I went down the road at 70mph. I repeat a simple song over and over again until I can feel a release of all the negative. I went 200 miles this afternoon.
It was a fabulous ride... I heard my grandma's bell today which I haven't heard in quite some time... Probably because of Blue's broken pipes. Then to end the ride I had the most fabulous pink sunset in my mirror. I was able to breathe again. I pulled into the Walmart right as it got dark. I am at peace tonight. I found my Happy Place.