Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Dope! Did it again!
One day I will learn. Trust your instincts!!
I had been seeing a woman during my time in New Mexico. It started out as friends and turned into quite fabulous but after a couple weeks it changed to stress and anxiety. My gut was telling me to stop now but my mind kept telling myself I was just insecure. I put myself out there... Even tried staying longer in New Mexico even though my soul and body were telling me to move forward.
Shame on me for not listening. Of course my instincts were correct... Of course I delayed my life for a week for no reason. Time wasted... Heart hurt... And for what exactly... Not sure.
To me it seems like people see me as a temporary toy... Something they can play around with because they know I will leave. Never really considering I have feelings, get too attached and am alone on the road sometimes with no one I know for hundreds of miles. Having to deal with the aftermath by myself.
This time I was somewhat prepared to move forward. It still hurts because I thought we were at least friends. Where I'm going next I don't know but I do know it will be an amazing adventure... Just have to clear my mind to let it happen.
Moving forward... Trusting the instincts.