Wednesday, March 4, 2015
I feel quite lost this week. I finally say what I have needed to say and of course my feelings go unheard and it all comes back as I misunderstood. I had a plan for the week and now it is all up in the air. Not sure where I belong or where I want to be. I feel I have disappointed many by doing what I needed to take care of myself. This just adds to the lost. I have to look out for me from the beginning and I don't... I do what feels right but don't walk away when it begins to feel not right... I stay thinking things will get better when I am the only one working and the only one who wants it to work. One day I might get it right.
I don't understand at what point is it ok to hurt people for your needs and at what point does hurting someone for your needs become selfish? I'm not sure... I do know if something doesn't feel right... When it begins to dampen your soul then it is time to move forward and people may be hurt in the process.... Some directly and some indirectly. This week I feel I have hurt many people... One directly and many indirectly. Unfortunately, it came to a point where it wasn't healthy for me... When I begin to see the me with depression more than I see the me with spirit I know I can't go any further. Something has to change. Unfortunately, this one had to change and drastically to protect myself not only today but in the future. It sucks... But I guess that is part of life.
The most fabulous part is I find friends everywhere. When I really needed to be away from Walmart and around people, a wind sister (fellow woman biker) came forward and offered me a place to sleep and company for the evening. I am truly blessed.
Moving forward with a bit of a broken heart, less friends and a sore soul. All will be good with time.