Monday, July 21, 2014

Right Foot In

I have been gradually loosing my happy place.... I am quite proud that I had a happy place for around 9 months.  That is the longest I have ever been happy... Not content but truly happy.  Maybe with an off day here or there but could get myself back within a day or two.  This time I am having a harder time coming back to my happy place.  I have realized each time I allow myself to step further back in to society is when I loose my happy place.  I don't have a need to fit in, to move up the ladder to no where, to be someone that is not genuine.  I don't want to put on that mask to please.  I want to just be me... The odd, out of place, sometimes emotional me.

What keeps me stuck in society?  Is there a way to pull out... To live life without all the nonsense?  What are the fears holding me back?

Is it a fear of being alone
A fear of not being accepted
A fear of being happy
A fear of being successful 
A fear of who I truly am
A fear of not being heard
A fear of being forgotten

For whatever reason I keep my right foot in... My dominant foot in society.  My dominant foot is in so when people judge me it hurts... When people don't respect me it hurts.... When people think I am someone I am not it hurts.  Instead of putting my left foot in... My non-dominant foot.  Maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.  Maybe I could still be in society but not take it so seriously.  Take it for the nonsense that it is.  Be happy with who and where I am in life instead of comparing myself to others. 

I may never be able to leave society completely, even though it has been a dream of mine, but I need to put my left foot into society and put my right foot, my dominant foot, into being myself.

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