Sensory Issues

The older and wiser I get the more I realize I have some serious sensory issues.  If I would of known about all these sensory things years ago I think my time with my Eating Disorder and Depression would of been a little less intense... or at least I would of known why I did the things I did.

The other night I had a really off sensory night.  I had a half day of riding in strong wind so I thought I would be worn out by the time I had stopped for the night.  I was extremely anxious and I just couldn't sit still.  I stopped at a Walmart for the night and kept going in and walking around... I went in and got a ice cream cone from a Dairy Queen (inside of Walmart... how cool is that).  Then about an hour later I went back in for dinner and Subway... then a little bit after that I went in and got a movie from redbox.  All night I just wanted to move.  I finally fell asleep around 8pm which is sometimes when I fall asleep after a riding day... I woke up at midnight crawling out of my skin.

It was a little late to be wandering around the parking lot but I did go inside to use the restroom.  It didn't seem to help.  If I could of run around in circles singing at the top of my lungs in the Walmart parking lot I think I would of felt so much better.  Darn societal norms... I probably would of been arrested and sent to the psych hospital.  haha... The wind had picked up a lot so I was stuck and couldn't even ride to the next town.  The trailer was rocking a bit with the wind but I still needed more input.  So I started rocking inside the trailer... I put on headphones and listened to music as loud as it would go.  I never listen to music so that just goes to show how much input I needed.  With the trailer movement and my own movement I was making myself dizzy.  It still wasn't enough.  I really needed to go to sleep so I would not drive myself crazy but nothing was working.

I finally made myself lay down and listen to music and I eventually fell asleep.  It was just weird that I needed that much input when I had a day of a lot of motion and fighting against the wind... maybe it was sensory overload... or maybe too much caffeine... who knows.  The next day I was still a little anxious and rode more in the wind on the interstate to get more speed and ware myself out.  One day I will figure it all out.

This is why I need to live on the road... without being out on Blue I feel completely out of control.